I miss home and I want to go home, back home in sg straight away. Dump everything in Melbourne, pack up, and fly straight home. I miss my mom and I miss my dad. Almost had a tear when dad called to say he fixed the leaking sink in the kitchen that mom told me to ask dad to had a look at it.
Did more laundry today and collect the sun smelling sheets hanging on the line from the day before. I miss my mom. She always reminded me of how she love the smell on clothes baked dried in the sun.
I think by me physically being in sg can help mom take her mind off a lot of things that she cope up with and create a barrier between mom n dad, which help ease any tension that is within the house... Yes, I will be going back to face the coldness or the tension... but I guess it might be easier to work it out there than across different time zone and lifestyle here in Melbourne. Mom might be temporary contented that her daughter is finally back by her side and stop feeling all the irrational feelings that is within her... Maybe its a short term ease... but at least I can bring about that ease. Afterall, mom is 60 this yr and Dad is 67, i do not want to feel "the too late to spend time with them" feeling in years to come. I want to look back and tell myself, yes, I've spend enough time with them while I can.
They have given me their time, their hard earn savings, their effort... thou no parents are perfect and they don't always do the right thing, but they try to do things to the best of their abilities and what they feel is right by themselves. And it is only fair that its time soon I return by their side and face everything them that needs facing... plus without them, I wont even be where I am today. They mould u to become who you are today, what you have accomplish, everything that is good and bad in you. And i believe, God or life plan things properly, it is about the right time to return home. I've never really miss home after a couple of years in high school... Its funny how things work itself, I really do miss home now... And from speaking with Regina, I can possibly visualise myself back home in sg. And its not that bad afterall... Plus, most of my friends are not in Melbourne and its nearer to visit them from sg too.
Imagine this painting... i find someone dependable yet helps me stay independent... i marry the person in a weird family situation wedding dinner where i wont know how mom n dad will behave or even attend. it all pulls through... we have a family?? maybe just keep it simple to just the dogs... we travel the world one place by one place... but build a life in sg living with my parents... it might be blissful? the dogs will be happy with a big garden... but they might need to take snobbish attitude from some ignorant singaporeans perhaps. Life is never ideal... What u painted for yourself as a kid is seldom how events reveal themselves out to be.
When u are young, parents talk about priority. When you are a kid, u study... a teenager.. u continue to complete an education. But when that chapter is completed, what then is one's prority or goal? A successful career? Then, to what extend do u stop driving oneself too much in that direction that you loose site of other aspect of one's life and becomes running away from one's life. Taking care of parents? How much time is too little, or is it really too much to devote oneself to them. Starting a family? Do one just have to struggle everything all at once...
I m not sure what i want. I want it all. Afterall I'm an idealist. I'm a virgo. But i know is, i must take care of my parents. I need to sort out a career that will support the roof above my head n the food in my mouth and comfortable living that my parents have forged for me so that I can continue enjoying that luxury they hope I can have. With regards to feeling lonely when the time comes for my parents to depart... ideally a lifetime partner, perhaps i'm too choosey, or I live in my ideals. But I'm very aware of my surroundings, and I like to observe. I like to see how people handle situations, handle their lifes, their decision, family, love ones... And I try to learn. Differences can become attached to oneself, and maybe that is when one can learn to be open and willing to work or live with difference in a spouse. I guess my priority is my parents and my career. If love happens, it happens. A lifetime partner might be in the making, its probably not time yet. There are bigger priorities.
Today, I drove the doggies to the park. They played for 1 and a half hours. Brought them home, sort out the laundry and vaccuum a bit more. They are sleeping outside tonight. I then drove to safeway and do some grocery shopping. I came home to feed the dogs and went about preparing my dinners and lunch for the next few days. I marinated 3 meals worth of meat, chopped up 2 meals worth of veggie. (thank god for those veggie tupperware that really keeps veggie fresh even after cutting without turning them yellow or rot!!) and made a big bowl of fruit salad in 2 hours. I even put everything in boxes, bowls and cling wrap!
The fruit salad is made with half of the quarter of watermelon (so sweet and juicy)... half of the half of the honey dew and rock melon... two slices of pineapple in syrup chopped up as well. I ate 1/3 of the bowl after dinner. I am sooo full! Dinner was 3 slices of pizza and a box of greek salad by the way. Piggie.
Alright, time for bed... 1st day of work tomorrow after the 2 weeks Chinese New Year break. I can face the world with courage from a refreshed me. I'm driving to work on my own tomorrow morning! Next thing, after tomorrow, is I need to do is drive to top up my petrol at a petrol station on my own. Yes, I had for some reason develop a fear of driving when I took up driving lessons again last yr. I'm feeling more confident this year. The break did do me wonders. And I finally miss home.
