Heal oneself

Merry Christmas... My favorite season. A season of love and care. Of giving. Of family.

I'm still living. Still grabbing on to all things positive. Depression drags everyone around down. I don't want that. I can stay away but not forever, I need to work on it. For everyone around me.

Heal oneself so that we can provide joy to others and be a useful being.

Shut

Darkness lurks again. There seems to be no path, just vast land. 

Again, all feels too hard. I'm struggling to keep my head above waters.
Let me sink.
Let me close my eyes and be dead to the world.
Release me.
And, grant me painless instant death.

In the quiet of the night it comes

What are we doing to improve our situation?
What can we do to improve our situation?

I jump
I scream
I strangle
Inside my head
I crave peace of mind
Maybe not hard enough
Avoidance
Acceptance
And then?

All inside.

Everyone has their own problems.
Everyone repeats the same comforting yet comfortless words
They don't know what to say
It's not their problem
They don't want to cross the "so call" (pathetic) line

Depression shall not conquer me,
I won't allow it.

Perserverence and positivity

It's been a while. Don't want to just write about whiney, negative perspective. We should focus on the more positive perspective so we live a fuller life!! Although not writing is partly due to quite a busy schedule, the truth is I haven't tried enough to walk on positivity.

So, I though I practice two good traits and try to make a habit of it. Perserverence and positivity.

I've been struggling to find love for people who should matter most to me. Who are allowed to cause me so much mental grieve that I have dreams symbolizing what I'm going through consciously at times and subconsciously. After the sleepless nights and the tossing and turning before dozing off, I let my thoughts flow; I let discussions around me or tv scenes, run relations deep into my thoughts. And amazingly I'm reminded of the sweetness those people has shed on me years ago. I focus on those comfort, secure feelings and hopefully, they will outweigh e bitterness thru times. Afterall, time washes away pain. One slowly forgets things. And lets focus on e warmth and hope that e bitterness can be blurred more through time. And everyone can be given the chance to move forward in their lives with a slightly saint mind.

Hope. Hope brings about action. Having hope is already giving meaning to faith.

Habit

I've been telling myself to not write anything depressing or unhappy. To make that a habit. To share positive views so those who happen to read this, gets motivated. And, hopefully, bring a smile to their faces.

I will share a quote that have motivated me to work towards more positivity thoughts.

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit" - Aristotle

Positive & Negative

We try our best
even if our best is not good enough
even if it's not welcome.

A Dad uses money to love
A Mom uses emotional blackmail to get love
The child has low self esteem to love
Ignorance
Desperation
Coward

Yet, each still try.
In a twisted way, hope can be seen.

Happy Today~ *beams*

*hopping*

*prancing*

*skipping*

All in my head... Happy today~
Hope whoever who reads my blog feels the happiness too and in turn feel happy. *beams*

*Spreading Happiness*

War & my "warless" utopia

With ANZAC day coming up, there are a few war films being shown on tv. Tonight, they are showing "The Pacific" and "Gallipoli" was advertised during commercial breaks.

Many thoughts flashed through my mind.
1. I won't want to see the day where my kid (if I have a husband and kid in future and a boy) has to serve any country in war.

I don't even want to try to imagine how the wives or mothers of soldiers, left behind, feel...

2. I hope I don't get into any trouble saying this. So far no one has really agreed fully with this view of mine yet.

I don't feel overly patriotic as I don't feel any country should own me. Each should feel free to love and go anywhere they are at. I've lived my childhood and adolence in my birth country; then teenage yrs to now an adult in my permanent residence country. I seriously don't want to choose. Both have their pros and cons. I love both in their own ways. Why do we have to choose? And why should we need to choose a side to fight for if there ever was a war?

If no one choose a side to fight war, then no country will have resources to support/fight any war they are trying to create!!?? And therefore, no war??? Yay!? That's my utopia.

Sight & Touch

During my morning train ride to work today, there was a blind man who got on and as he got on and off, he will say thank you out loud to people around him who has assisted him. He also says out loud that his seat is available when he got up to get ready to alight the train.

I'm really happy and thank God that people are helpful assisting him to board the train, offer their seat, guide him to the seat and off the train.

However, there is another thought that came through my mind. A question that someone once asked.

"Of our 5 senses, what won't you choose not to lose?"

I choose sight and if I can choose another one, feel. I would give up taste, hear, speak and maybe feel, so that I can see the world, its beauty and its hardship. To not miss the beauty; to see the sufferings so we know how to appreciate each amazing sight. To be able to see our parents, our beloved friends, the love of our life and our kids through life.

I would choose to keep "touch", too, so I can feel our love ones and may they in turn feel our touch on them.

Morning Delights

In the mornings, there is a place I frequent to get breakfast. They make this really nice scramble eggs and bacon Ciabatta with relish & aioli sauce for AU$3.90. Yummm...

They make pretty good coffee there too. When they are not too busy, the barista will "pattern" the latte foam. He has made a leafy fern once and today, it was a heart shape within a circle. It was so cute! It's nice when something small and simple can brighten your day and moves you forward to face a mundane, issues filled work day. Unfortunately, my mobile wasn't with me and by the time I got back to the office, the shape had changed. Will have to bring my mobile with me next time, even if its just buying breakfast!

Simple Pleasures

Today we should remind ourselves not to take simple pleasures for granted.

A roof above our head,
Shelther from the wind,
Heating to warm your flesh,
A shower of warm water touching your skin unwinding your nerves after a vexing day of work.

ahhh... that's nice...

Time for bed.

Nite y'all.

One of the cutest Blog

I can't remember who I pinch this site off, either Jace or Bitsy. It never fails to bring out a giggle or two from me. I hope it brightens anyone's day if you chance upon this site.

http://mymilktoof.blogspot.com/

Stay cheery y'all~

Love,
DL

P.S.: Remember to smile at least once a day~

Heroes and Idols

Thoughts comes and goes. While I'm doing mindless tasks like chopping up ingredients for a meal/dish; while walking to train station and the journey back home after work; while showering; before I sleep.

Today, chopping up ingredients for a one dish pot-luck ex-collegues gathering. I was reading a blog earlier that mentioned they have met Aaron Kwok in person and chatted with him. That reminded me my teenage days and the idols we used to fuss over with friends. Then, I was reminded of a question teachers or adults sometimes ask a kid.

Who is your Hero / Idol?

I thought about it for a while, my mind scanning through great achievers, great sportmans, great politicians, teenage idols?!, people who dedicate their lifes achievement to their parents. I've never been able to answer this question till now.

My Heroes and Idols are those who loves me. Anyone who had loved me. Anyone who still loves me in no matter whatever way they know how to. It is not easy loving someone. To want to do the right thing by them because you love them. When you can understand their actions and intent towards you, it should be a form of support and drive that can fuel motivations and strength.


"The moment we set off in search of love, it sets off in search of us. And saves us." - Paulo Coelho


So, who is YOUR Hero / Idol? =)

Motivations & Inspirations

Motivations and Inspirations can come in any form.
An unrealistic dream while you sleep.
A smile or abuse from a stranger.
An interesting or heartbreaking article from the papers or news.
A blog.
Loved ones.
A dream to fulfil.

Positive or negative, its all the matter of perception.


Paulo Coelho says: "Life is made up of our attitudes. And there are certain things that the gods force us to experience. Their reasons for doing so do not matter, and there is no point in doing everything we can to avoid them."

I say: "Face it, experience it, and gain wisdom." It is really in this sequence, no matter how short or long it takes.


On Tuesday, I read an article about James Cracknell in "The Age" World News section. A former Olympic rower who retired after 13 years of professional rowing celebrate his retirement in 2005 by rowing across the Alantic. In 2010, he embarks on the Marathon des Sables, a 6 days journey across the heat of the Morrocan Desert. A test of his spirit, his competitive nature and how the body reacts under extreme conditions.


This reminded me of my Dad's preaching since I was a kid. I'm constantly reminded that we need to seek to challenge and improve ourselves. We cannot be stagnant or we become useless and it's a waste of time.

We should improve ourselves in any little ways we can. We should also remember to reward ourselves in any little ways, so we won't be burnt out and lose the healthy drive. Most importantly, never forget our dreams (no matter how small or insignificant; or big and unattainable). Dreams can help us stay motivated; give us hope to look forward; a purpose.

Jessica Watson is one great example. My idol in 2009. Living her dream - being the youngest to sail solo around the world. She started at the age of 16 on 17th October 2009 out of Sydney, past Chile/Cape Horn, past Cape of Good Hope and this weekend she would be under Australia. This voyage started much controversies around Australia. To me, she was well prepared sailing since a kid, she has a strong passion to pull through it, much advice from those who went before her, one cannot find another excuse to not embark this dream!! I did think the type of despair, fear and loneliness one might feel out in the ocean for months. And then I realise, thanks to technology, she gets to blog and read the many responses from supporters and family to keep her going, to fulfil her dream!


I will leave you with (to me) a quote of hope. Words of Paulo Coelho again.
"When you want something, the whole Universe conspires to help you realise your desire."

Simply DL

2010 marks a very interesting start of the year for me.

Its amazing how one event can turn things around and shines clarity on all events that were results of the ripples effects? That one event have such weight on me that I didn't realise how big an impact it has to offer so much change. It will be for the better. Whatever I was, am and will be, it will all be me. I've decided to change my blog address to my name. I'm just me, I'm simply DL.

To Bitsy, my devoted reader, who encourages me in her own way whenever she can. *heart* This is one of e ways you guys can keep in touch w my random chain of thoughts.

Love,
DL

The 15th day of CNY

Sunday was the 15th day of CNY - Yuan Xiao

I've said what I need to say to everyone I need to speak my mind to. On this day, I finished CNY up with another episode of hurting the one person a child should be able to trust and respect.

I still feel defeated.

I feel completely and utterly defeated.

Summaries for my own sake

2009 = Got retrenched; still went to HK & EU; still shop and ate to my heart's content; attempted to start a part time millinery business; logo still not finalised; send out endless resumes; was given an opportunity to interview with Tiffany & Co but took up Heinz instead; finally started new job in Nov (Yay!); worked my arse off with 12 hr days; and ended with an accidental rough patch.

2010 = 28 going onto 29
I still hope to see a logo finalise and pick up the hobby again.
Excel at my job
Save up for both a house and more holidays!
Looking forward to move out on my own
Still want to go US for my 30th
Still want to go back to EU after a US trip
Still want to visit Egypt, Turkey/the persian region
If possible, take on a baseball lesson in US
If possible, get to watch the US open
If possible, to watch all the resident Cirque du soleil shows in US
I welcome galantry, if they ever exist now
To have my sanctuary within me

Welcome 2010

I still salute the path I walk alone
Gladly

I still yearn the path to the future in my mind
Hopefully

I still walk the path of constant explorations and epiphanies
Eagerly

I still create the path of each new year
Wholeheartedly