Heal oneself

Merry Christmas... My favorite season. A season of love and care. Of giving. Of family.

I'm still living. Still grabbing on to all things positive. Depression drags everyone around down. I don't want that. I can stay away but not forever, I need to work on it. For everyone around me.

Heal oneself so that we can provide joy to others and be a useful being.

Shut

Darkness lurks again. There seems to be no path, just vast land. 

Again, all feels too hard. I'm struggling to keep my head above waters.
Let me sink.
Let me close my eyes and be dead to the world.
Release me.
And, grant me painless instant death.